BY PHUMZILE NDLOVU
I have watched in horror scenes on TV and in real life where the wife, girlfriend, or baby mama confronts the other woman, warning her to stay far away from Sipho. Please take it from me — never, ever do it. Always deal with Sipho, not the other Sibongile.
Here’s why: for all you know, you are the side chick, makwapheni, or the friend with benefits — weekend special, call it what you want. You could be confronting his fiancée who has met his family and was proposed to in church. But because he didn’t post his engagement on social media, you’re not aware that he’s actually two minutes away from being someone’s husband.
You could be confronting the baby mama who’s expecting their next child because they’ve been together since varsity — ngiyabekisa — and wena ngala, wati kutsi she’s just the baby mama, meanwhile you’re the side dish. You could be confronting his official girlfriend who has met all his family — it’s just that she’s staying in another country because she’s still studying, but as soon as she completes her second degree, they’re getting married.
You could be confronting his live-in girlfriend that you aren’t aware of, because come to think of it, vele you’ve never been to his place. He always comes to yours because there’s always a convincing story he tells you whenever you ask why you haven’t been to his place yet.
You could also be confronting his on-and-off girlfriend whom he never really broke up with — it’s just that she stays in Big Bend and can’t come up to Mbabane every weekend, so bahle balwa, and he claims he’s single. Or the worst scenario — you could be confronting his wife. And how were you supposed to know? Because he never wears his ring, is always available to see you, and sometimes you drive to Naspoti for a weekend. So in your world, you’re his girlfriend — kani; you’re actually the one he hides.
The confrontation goes both ways — even for wives, never do it. Because once you confront your husband’s side chick, you have basically lost the battle. You’ve told her, “I’m aware of you now.” As sad as it sounds, the side chick will be happy that his wife knows about her — you would have given away your power. Nothing frustrates a side chick more than knowing she is just that and remains a secret because the man is married. But once you, the wife or fiancée or official girlfriend, confront the other woman, you’ve basically told her, “I know about you.” Never do it.
You always deal with your Sipho — always. Never give them the satisfaction that you’re now aware they’re in the picture. When you find proof that Sipho is seeing someone else, or flirting with someone else, or worse, sharing sheets with someone — whether it’s a colleague or a “friend” who’s not really a friend — the reality is you don’t know what they were told.
In some scenarios, the other woman could be completely unaware and had no idea Sipho was taken. In others, she could have known but was in it for reasons best known to her. But at the end of the day, they actually don’t owe you any loyalty or faithfulness because they’re no married to you or in a relationship with you — Sipho is. Hence, the person you need to confront is him, not the other woman. Because in all honesty, they don’t owe you any explanation — he does.
When you find out about the other woman and you happen to know her, pretend like you don’t about the affair or fling. As difficult as that may be, a confrontation will be a victory to her — so don’t do it. It’s up to you to decide what to do next with Sipho once you learn about the other woman, and then you deal with the situation with him — and only him. And half the time when a man is caught, he normally drops the other woman because of what he might lose at home — so don’t pack your bags, at least not before you see if it can be fixed.
I’d tell you about my experiences, but wow — it’s a lot kuningi guys! From threatening calls telling me to leave my Sipho alone by an angry mama, to being called by spouses, some I didn’t even know existed, to being stalked on Facebook and getting not-so-nice messages — and my answer was always the same to all the Sibongile’s who have tried me: Ask him and leave me alone!
Till next week, remember — you are beautiful and you deserve only the best. Don’t settle!
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Courtesy Pics)
