BY PHUMZILE NDLOVU
I don’t care how many telenovela or romantic movies you have seen which give us ideas about surprising Sipho because you were in the neighbourhood, don’t do it! It never ends well, trust me, it’s always a bad idea — a disaster waiting to happen.
You have to understand that movies and soapies are directed, and the end is always controlled by the film or movie director, but that’s not how real life works. So yes, you and Sipho are dating or in a serious relationship, his family has met yours, and he has met your family, siblings, and even his priest — do not go visit him without his permission, like never. You will thank me later.
Here’s the reality from what I have seen in my few decades of being on this earth: sometimes, not always, there’s always someone else or other people in the picture that you may not be aware of. It’s not always as serious or life-changing as you may think, but your heart may not handle the shock of catching him making tea for another Sibongile in the cup that you like using when you are sleeping over. You might not like seeing another Sibongile wearing his gown or his shirt because it smells like him and you thought it was the thing he only does with you — meanwhile.
You might not take it well that she cooks, not orders takeaways. She actually buys the ingredients when coming over — naye phela she’s trying to get the ring. You might not handle the fact that she actually cleans and folds his clothes, kani wena you always tell him you will only do such chores the day he marries you, unaware you are in a race. You might realise that actually, those clothes you kept asking him about belong to her, because naye wati kutsi it’s her man’s place. You might not like the idea that even the bedding you always praise him for, for his good taste — she actually bought it with the matching cushions in the lounge that he suddenly ‘bought’, and you thought he had great deco taste, kani ewu.
The point is, as long as a man is not married but dating, it’s highly possible that you are not the only one in the picture. There could be two other people, or more, or just the two of you. The truth of the matter is, until he actually makes it official and asks for your hand in marriage and actually sees it through and marries you, you have no right to surprise him at his place — you might just be the one who gets the surprise.
I am not by any means giving bo Sipho a freeway to bring three or more Sibongiles at his place, but sadly for us women we have to endure the fact that, a man has to make a decision before choosing the one he will settle down with. All I’m saying is; sometimes ignorance is bliss, because you will be ‘spared’ from seeing all these things if you show up uninvited. For all you know, you might be the one he ends up giving his last name.
Personally, I learnt my lesson when I once surprised my then Sipho because I missed him and I knew I’d find people at his place. So nako I rushed to his bedroom to change after work, and since I used to keep some of my clothes there, only to find my clothes were not where I usually kept them. After making an assessment, I decided to rush to the shop to get airtime so I could ask Sipho about my clothes that had disappeared upon my return from the shops, my clothes ‘magically resurfaced’. You do the maths!
So take it from me, if you want any future with your Sipho, don’t surprise him. It’s always a bad idea. Shano nje when you are coming so he can prepare for your visit — like buy your favourite chocolate, and order your favourite pizza *ngiyabekisa*. And lastly, he will be excited to see you because he will be expecting you.
Till next week, take care of your beautiful self!
