AND WHAT IF HE TELLS YOU – I LOVE YOU BOTH

BY PHUMZILE NDLOVU

Today’s feature kind of reminds me of the song titled “I Love You Both” by Sam Salter — indeed, the truth is stranger than fiction at times.

I tried to put myself in the shoes of a woman who has been told this line before — and how she must have felt. Personally, I have never heard any Sipho try me with that line. Yes, there might have been one or two who were in “situationships” they couldn’t get out of because they had suddenly met me, but they never tried to spin that line with me- because it would have never worked.

Recently, someone needed my “two cents” knowledge on how to deal with the other gender. She asked me how she should respond after her Sipho actually told her that he loves her and the other lady in his life.

A brief background: she met him at a party, caught his attention — and he was there alone that night. They ended up exchanging numbers and the rest, as they say, is history. As time went on (in fact, a few months into the relationship), her Sipho finally confessed that there was someone else in his life — the mother of his child.

At first, he simply referred to her as “just the baby mama,” but his disappearing acts on most weekends and switching off his phone eventually gave him away — clearly there was someone in his life. Now the challenge was that he was really into the other lady as well, of course na baby mama wakhe. Don’t ask me how — I just work here.

So now he was claiming he was in love with both and couldn’t choose or decide. Quite frankly, I’m not sure he even wanted to. I mean, he was already having his cake and eating it. The only issue now was that the second lady — not the baby mama — was asking him to decide or rather choose between them. Hence why he told her he loves both of them.

So I was asked to add my two cents on umjolo and how best she could handle the predicament she found herself in. It didn’t help that sisi was really in love with this guy, yet she was not a fan of being in a love triangle. Of course, she was hoping that Sipho would pick her. I mean, she was the new broom in his life after all. She had no kids, educated, and not to mention beautiful — so why on earth would he want the baby mama over her?

The problem is: all her perfect traits and qualities had nothing to do with matters of the heart. Because, as I have said before, that organ has no brain, no logic whatsoever — it just wants what it wants. Yes, the guy clearly cared about her and liked her to some degree, but not enough for him to dump his baby mama.

Here is what I have learned: yes, one may care for two or three people and enjoy spending time with them because of their different qualities. But — and this is the punchline — you can never truly love two people equally at the same time. It’s just not possible. There’s a saying that if you were really in love with someone, you wouldn’t fall in love with another person. So chances are- you love the second one — but hey, akusho mine.

I know it’s easier said than done, and I am always reminded by my loyal readers that I make it sound so simple — as if there are many good men available. Kantsi they limited- if at all. Yes, there are very few left, but going for someone who has already told you (or someone you are aware of) that he has someone else in his life is only going to make things worse for you, while he has nothing to lose.