- Making room for difficult conversations
- Recognising trauma and grief
- Breaking the silence around emotional pain
- Healing through support and reflection
BY NELIWE NGUBANE
EZULWINI — Behind the smiles many people wear every day can be stories of pain, anxiety, trauma and grief that remain unseen. This was the message from South African counselling psychologist Dr Nkululeko Benedict Mhlongo, popularly known as Dr Better, as he urged women to create safe spaces where difficult emotions can be shared rather than carried alone.
Dr Better delivered the message during the inaugural eGumeni women’s wellness gathering held at Happy Valley Hotel, Ezulwini, on Saturday, where he was the guest keynote speaker.
The event, hosted by the Gogo Eswatini and S’lwane Care Foundation, brought women together under the theme “Mental Health’s Summon to All the Ladies of the Land!” for conversations around mental health, healing, personal development and wellbeing.
Dr Better’s central message was that people need spaces and trusted individuals with whom they can speak honestly about experiences that may be painful, triggering or traumatic.
Reflecting on his own journey into psychology, he spoke about the importance of being able to sit with someone and simply listen.
He said there are moments when people do not necessarily need immediate solutions but need someone who can give them the space to express what they are carrying.
“We all need that one space or person whom we can actually share something that is touching, as triggering, as traumatic as grief.”
GRIEF IS ALSO LOSS
Dr Better reminded the audience that grief is not limited to death.
He pointed out that grief can also come from different forms of loss and difficult experiences that people encounter throughout their lives.
“Remember grief is also loss,” he said.
His remarks encouraged the women to acknowledge painful experiences instead of dismissing or hiding them.
For many people, emotional struggles can remain invisible because they continue with their daily responsibilities while carrying pain privately. Dr Better’s message was that speaking about these experiences can be an important part of the healing process.
THE POWER OF BEING HEARD
Dr Better also reflected on the role listening played in his own development.
He recalled how, during his younger years, he would sit with someone, listen and absorb what was being shared. What may have seemed like simply being present eventually became meaningful to his professional journey.
He said this reinforced the importance of having someone who can listen when life becomes overwhelming.
His message challenged the idea that strength means handling everything alone.
Instead, he encouraged women to recognise when they need support and to seek out safe and trustworthy spaces where they can express themselves without fear of judgement.
A SPACE FOR WOMEN TO REFLECT
The message fitted into the wider purpose of eGumeni, which was designed to bring women together for honest conversations around issues that affect their emotional and mental wellbeing.
The programme featured interactive panel discussions, presentations, talks and collective healing, with speakers from different professional backgrounds.
Dr Better’s contribution added a psychological perspective to conversations that included personal growth, relationships, women’s empowerment and emotional wellbeing.
His presence also highlighted the importance of making mental health conversations accessible and relatable beyond clinical spaces.
The psychologist, television personality, lecturer, doctoral candidate and author was introduced to the audience as someone whose journey from humble beginnings in KwaZulu-Natal had been shaped by resilience and personal development.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CARRY IT ALONE
The strongest takeaway from Dr Better’s remarks was the importance of connection.
People can smile, work, socialise and appear fine while privately dealing with experiences that others know nothing about. Creating safe relationships where people can speak openly can help make those invisible struggles easier to carry.
For the women gathered at eGumeni, his message was therefore not simply about identifying mental health challenges, but also about understanding the value of having someone who listens.
“We all need that one space or person whom we can actually share something that is touching, as triggering, as traumatic as grief.”
As eGumeni opened conversations about women’s wellness, Dr Better left the audience with an important reminder: healing does not always begin with having all the answers. Sometimes, it begins with finding a safe space and someone willing to listen.
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