BY PHUMZILE NDLOVU
As we enter the holiday season, which we spend with our loved ones and family in the next few weeks, I have a kind reminder for the other ‘children’ who do not like peaceful lives and have made a conscious decision to be bomakhwapheni, side chicks, mistresses, roll-ons, scanakazani or whatever they are called these days — it’s going to be a long, ‘cold’ festive season for you.
For whatever reason you agreed to be the other one, I’m not judging — I’m just saying the holidays will be lonely because he will be with his family and relatives. As you know, there are no long meetings at the office over the holidays, no work trips outside the country for a few days. No emergency meeting with the board, no deadline he suddenly remembered he had to go “finish at the office,” disappearing the whole day to “write the report,” which was you, ngiyabekisa. No conferences or conventions take place during the festive season, so how on earth must he get away to come see you? Even if he claims he’s going to buy ice, he has to be back within at least 30 minutes — ngiyabekisa. And you also need quality time, which he simply cannot afford during the festive season.
The sad reality about agreeing to such an arrangement: you only hurt yourself while he enjoys the best of both worlds. He gets to have his cake and literally eat it, thanks to you agreeing to be the other Sibongile in his life while mamkhulu enjoys all the benefits.
Yes, sure, he might spoil you with girlfriend allowance, shopping sprees in eNaspoti or Jozi. He might buy you the most expensive jewellery whenever he travels, with perfume — ngiyabekisa — or bring you nice gifts occasionally to keep you happy. But at the end of the day, he goes back home to his wife and kids, while you wake up alone in your expensive flat that he pays for — ngiyabekisa.
Sure, you might drive the nicest car he sponsored, have the latest iPhone, have the most expensive hair, and your nails might always be on point because it’s mandatory that you get your manicure and pedicure every two weeks. Utohlala umuhle because he always pops up anytime he can get away from his real life to spend a few hours with you.
Don’t get me wrong — there’s nothing “wrong” if you are the other woman and you are aware of it. All I’m saying is: it is the loneliest relationship you will ever have. You can’t even call him after 5 p.m., ngiyabekisa. No good-night and good-morning calls. For those who love to post on social media — yes, you can take all the beautiful pictures with him if he allows, but you can never post them online for obvious reasons. You can’t tag him, can’t declare your relationship, or even tell some of your friends because you know the news will spread like wildfire — and next thing you know, the wife gets wind of it, and that will be the end of that party.
So here’s my question: why on earth would you want to subject yourself to such?
Yes, you will be spoiled, because he knows he has to keep you happy, and he will sponsor the lifestyle you want — but at what cost? To your self-esteem? To your dignity? To your sanity?
I can guarantee you: you can never truly be happy with a married man. I don’t care how much he spoils you!
How do I know all these things? Well, in my twenties when I was still young and naïve- I also had the wildest imagination that he was going to leave madam for me. They never do!
You’ll hear interesting stories about how they don’t sleep in the same bed anymore, how things are bad at home, how you are the one who makes him happy — blah blah — some exaggerated just so you think there’s a slight chance you might get the ring one day. But it hardly ever happens. And even if he does leave the wife for you, just know: the mistress position becomes vacant the moment you become the wife. It’s only a matter of time.
There are still good men out there. Wait for yours. Go study, build a career, and surround yourself with good friends as well as family. He is definitely coming, but it the meantime just live your life!
Till next week — you are beautiful and worth it!
( Courtesy Pics)
