BY PHUMZILE NDLOVU
I don’t know how many times I have told my girlfriend and colleagues—whenever this topic about having access to Sipho’s or S’bongile’s phone comes up—leave it alone, for your own sanity. Ever heard the saying ignorance is bliss? Yes, sometimes it’s best not to know everything, because sometimes it’s really not the end of the world.
Before you disagree, let me explain. Most of us have very sensitive information on our phones—emails, banking apps, and family chats—that you wouldn’t want other people to be privy to, because it’s personal. I don’t know how many marriages, relationships, or umjolo have ended by going through a partner’s phone. Trust me, it’s always a bad idea.
For women mostly, when they take the decision to go through Sipho’s phone, they already know he is “busy” somewhere—they just need confirmation. And yes, you will definitely find what you are looking for when you go digging. This goes for both genders, because quite frankly, mobile phones are private property. You need permission to go through it, for whatever reason you might try to justify snooping.
So, say you already suspect that the “lady” he keeps saying is just a colleague is actually more than that—you can feel it in your gut. So you do what most women do in that situation: look for confirmation. Then, to your surprise, there’s actually more than one “friend” on his phone. Some exes are still in the picture, and when he’s free, they hang out. Or you find that he talks to his baby mama every day, sometimes three times a day, and even gives her more money than you are aware of. Or worse, you find that your own friend is flirting with him, badmouthing you, and advising him to dump you, ngiyabekisa. Then what?
By no means am I encouraging cheating or having multiple partners. All I’m saying is—do you really need to know all this information? And exactly where do you start asking him or her questions without exposing yourself that you went through the phone without permission? This, by the way, can now land you in jail.
All I’m saying is: if you suspect he’s cheating or doing funny business, confront him. Yes, he will deny it, but umuntfu wakho uyamati—you will know when they are lying. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to date someone who is good at covering their tracks and lying through any situation, here’s what you do: you ask the same question differently. If he’s telling the truth, the answer will always be the same, because the truth doesn’t change. Lies, on the other hand, will slip up—it’s that simple. That way, you save yourself from raising your blood pressure over all the other S’bongile’s on his phone.
At the end of the day, a relationship without trust is doomed. You need to at least give your partner the benefit of the doubt that he or she will make better decisions that won’t jeopardise your relationship. Otherwise, you’ll forever be stressed whenever he picks up his phone.
Personally, I don’t touch someone’s son’s phone. It’s a rule I made a long time ago after an incident years back, when I was still young and naïve. I once answered his phone, and the woman on the other end told me it was him chasing after her, and that I must keep my dog on a leash. To say I was schooled harshly is an understatement. So now, he can leave his phone anywhere—go bath and come back—and he will find it exactly where he left it. Even if it rings, I have no desire to answer it. The fact that *nginesikhwele* doesn’t help either. But on the other hand, I have no issue with him going through or answering my phone.
Until next week, keep grinding, make a life for yourself, live, and be happy. Life is too short to be anything but grateful and happy!
Remember: you are beautiful, and you are enough!
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